Deceitfulness and betrayal, deeply personal and often shattering, destroys trust and alters lives forever. Its impact lingers long and can go far beyond the imagination, leaving the betrayed with disappointment, resentments, traumatized self-esteem, anger, and a sense of loss. When the betrayal comes from one close to our heart, it is especially devastating.
Vernon Baumrind’s newly published book, DECEIT v. DECEIT, exemplifies this brilliantly. The book is an intricate TRUE story of a marriage destroyed by infidelity – not the usual story of infidelity, however, but one that involves the capture of salacious wiretapped conversations and a controlling predatory gynecologist whose sole objective is to leverage his power with selected women who visit this doctor for gynecological purposes. The story is a heartbreaking and painful, but gripping, drama with compelling characters and an intriguing plot which evolves from start to finish with complex relationship dynamics.
Betrayal: Breach of Trust
At its core, betrayal is a breach of trust. Whether through dishonesty, the revelation of secrets, or infidelity, it often, as in this story, arises from selfish motives, leaving the victim grappling with trauma and doubt. The emotional and psychological toll of betrayal manifests itself in countless ways, from anxiety to lingering mistrust of others.
In DECEIT v. DECEIT, betrayal is exhibited in its starkest form: infidelity. A wife’s reckless actions with her gynecologist unravels her marriage and the peace and security of her children’s lives. This betrayal serves as a lens through which the author explores the far-reaching, devastating consequences of disloyalty and deceit.
Vernon Baumrind
Author of Deceit vs. Deceit
Response to Betrayal: A Case Study
Response to betrayal can result in anger and rage. In the case of DECEIT v. DECEIT, the story begins with a seemingly perfect family unit that has disintegrated for reasons that are not known until the husband realizes his wife is cheating and he learns she is obsessed with her doctor, i.e., her gynecologist. The children are in jeopardy and the husband opts to control his emotions, to contain his impulses, to keep all that he has learned to himself and to prepare for a custody battle ahead. As the story develops, it becomes clear that the doctor is a sex-addicted predator and the wife has fallen prey. A fierce battle ensures between good and bad. The father’s love for his children and his determination to protect them gives him the strength to endure while experiencing emotional turmoil and challenging legal and ethical issues. His response is complex. With the pervasion of this adversity, he is determined to validate the truth and the behavior of the antagonists. In the process he employs his own form of deceit – secretly recording the conversations of the antagonists by wiretap and by hiring detectives, attorney and child psychiatrist. Here the story showcases the reverse side of deceit – a righteous deceit combatting a destructive deceit – thus, the title, DECEIT v. DECEIT.
Psychological Weight of Betrayal
Betrayal exacts a psychological toll that can shatter the faith of any relationship with collateral damage as the conflict rages. It destroys trust and uncovers uncomfortable truths about human vulnerability and the fragility of relationships. The story highlights these straightforwardly.
Morality or Justice and the Role of Resilience
At the same time, however, for one with strength and character, there is the opportunity for resilience, rather than despair and destructive behavior, by channeling one’s responses into a constructive pursuit of reconciliation or justice. In this story, the protagonist struggles with his true desire for reconciliation, but, as events unfold, he is left with only one choice – justice – and there is a ray of hope for that. The protagonist’s fight for justice underscores the power of right over wrong and morality over selfishness. It raises awareness of the importance of resilience, as he rises to the occasion, pursues what, under the circumstances, becomes most important, and fights for legal custody of his children and the security of their futures. The importance of this story is in its inspirational value as encouragement to others in their fight for similar, to pursue right over wrong and to turn negative into positive. The importance in telling this story lies in the intrinsic value of its embedded lessons and warnings. The writing of the story after many years of thought and reflection raises awareness to what happens when the atrocious behavior of individuals, a trusted professional in this case, encounters no resistance. In this story, the wife’s acquiescence and her facilitation of the medical doctor’s behavior provided the pathway to the devastation of her family.
Final Thoughts
Betrayal is a universal experience that can be deeply personal. The true story, DECEIT v. DECEIT exemplifies the complexity of this human experience, imparting timeless lessons and wisdom. The devastation of betrayal can prompt either disaster or resilience; and how we respond to it, determines the outcome and our future – in the case of DECEIT v. DECEIT, the futures of the children.
